Formal Letter

 Dear Prof Blackstone

My name is Quah YewThye, and I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in aerospace/aeronautical technology as I've always been interested in aircraft. The only driving aspects for my interest in mechanical engineering is my aptitude for mathematics and my fictional idol, Tony Stark, who mentions to a kid in the movie "iron man 3" that he is a mechanic and he could build anything. These interests would later pop up in my memory again when choosing a course to enrol in.

For my communications skills, my strength is being a good conversationalist which has allowed me to start conversations with friends and strangers alike. One example was when I would approach pilots at the airport who seemed idle and asked if they were comfortable talking about their route to becoming flight officers. This experience has provided me with a significant first-hand understanding of my dream job.

My weakness, unfortunately, is stage fright. This cost me a chance on becoming a RSAF pilot. It is evident during an abrupt weather report before my flight test. Being taken aback and overwhelmed, my mind went blank as I have stuttered my way through, which lead to a bad impression before my test flight. This incident resulted in the disqualification of the only chance given, scarring my confidence in presenting.

My first goal would be to develop my ability to present clearly through various opportunities in school such as class discussions and formal presentations. Secondly, I aim to re-learn some of my technical writing abilities to write better academically.

Lastly, what distinguishes me apart from the others is that I have little interest in mechatronic engineering. I am expecting a three-year filler before my SIA pilot cadetship application as it was being halted midway due to the covid outbreak. When I watched the film "3 Idiots", it completely changed my thinking. In summary, the protagonist was offered the opportunity to inherit the identity of a notable figure's son and study at a prestigious engineering institution since he was interested in machinery. Although the protagonist would be treated as a "filler" and will not obtain a certificate, he puts in more effort than any other student and rises to the top of his class. This inspired me to be open and put more effort into the modules taught and not treat the programme as a filler by giving minimal effort to pass them.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to the experience gained from attending your classes.

Best regards,

Quah Yew Thye

Comments

  1. luo fei24 January 2022 at 07:24

    Hi YewThye,

    Thank you for writing this letter. Your letter was filled with interesting content, by including relatable real life examples to connect with the readers. This created a well-organized letter, such that readers are engaged reading this letter.

    However, there are several mistakes, that could be improved in this letter.The last sentence " This inspired me to be open towards my course and learning" has an awkward phrasing and a missing fullstop( . ) Lastly, the ending is abrupt as it does not have proper closure (Thank you, Best regards, etc) for this letter.

    Best wishes,
    Luo Fei







    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calvin Quah Yew Thye25 January 2022 at 23:22

      Dear Luo Fei,

      Thank you for reading and giving your feedback.

      I have amended and added a proper closure, thank you pointing out my mistakes that I have overlooked.

      Best,
      Quah Yew Thye

      Delete
  2. Yi Da25 January 2022 at 06:49

    Hi YewThye,

    Great work on writing up this letter. It is very well organized, detailed and interesting. However, the structuring of your sentences gave a tone of "trying to prove a point". You might want to share your stories in first person instead of showing your examples in a third view. Try avoiding the use of "One example was" , "It is evident" and "Thus this incident". Hope my suggestion helps.

    Overall , awesome introductory letter and I hope you can achieve the goals that you have set out for yourself in the module.

    Best wishes,
    YiDa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calvin Quah Yew Thye25 January 2022 at 23:23

      Hi Yida,

      Thank you for your feedback I will make the necessary amendments

      Best,
      Quah Yew Thye

      Delete
  3. Yon Jun25 January 2022 at 08:20

    Hi YewThye,

    Appreciate you writing such a detailed introduction letter. From the letter I could tell I could tell that you are a good conversationalist. However, O feel that these are elaborations that would be taken place in a conversation instead of a letter. For example, the story of the "3 idiots" was rather abrupt.

    Overall, I feel that you have a good command of the english language.

    Regards,
    Yon Jun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calvin Quah Yew Thye25 January 2022 at 23:25

      Hi Yon Jun,

      Thank you for reading my letter. I will make the necessary amendments, feel free to point out any other hiccups that I have overlooked on my letter.

      Best,
      Quah Yew Thye

      Delete
  4. Brad Blackstone28 January 2022 at 21:39

    Dear Calvin,

    Thank you for this clear, concise and informative letter. You do a fairly good job covering the scope of the assignment as you mention your educational background and interest in engineering, connecting that career choice to your fascination with flying. The flying/pilot theme seems to resonate throughout your essay, which is a good approach. I'd just suggest that you fill in some of the missing details though. What is it about Tony Stark that you find compelling? What is your current thinking about pilot training? It seems that you were disqualified earlier from pilot training, but that option is still available, or not? Is SIT and this programme still simply a 'filler' for you? I'd like you to make this discssion a bit more explicit.

    There are some language issues to consider as well:

    1. word choice / phrasing
    -- On the contrary, stage fright is one of my flaws. > (wrong transition)

    2. verbs
    -- ...my strength is being a good conversationalist which allowed me to start conversations with friends and strangers alike. > (tense inconsistency)
    ... my strength is being a good conversationalist, which HAS allowed me to start conversations with friends and strangers alike.

    -- ...what distinguishes me apart from the others is that I have little interest in mechatronic engineering, and expected a three-year filler before my SIA pilot cadetship application.
    >
    (some ambiguity in the meaning of this sentence perhaps due to the different verb tenses used) ?

    I look forward to reading more from you this term, Calvin, but let's start with more clarity here.

    Best wishes,

    Brad


    ReplyDelete

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